It was my freshman year of college, and living on campus made keeping my usual religious routines difficult, and being “too busy” to find Mass way too easy. So for several months, even though daily prayer and weekly Mass had been a deeply ingrained routine, I barely and distractedly prayed each day, and had not gone to Mass.
During a particularly stressful time during that first semester – family stressors, medical issues, heavy coursework, infighting between my roommates, figuring out life – I was hungering for something to fill the ache in me, and in deep need of a place to be alone, to “be” and to think. Where could I go on this crowded Catholic campus that would not have a swarm of people? I paused in the middle of the campus green and realized: the chapel. I had never set foot in that space, but I knew the chapel would be empty (a sad truth!). I rerouted my steps and carried my psychological, physical, and emotional burden toward the chapel door.
As I entered the space, darkly lit with only a few small stained-glass windows, acclimating my eyes and orienting myself in the room, I immediately sensed that, though I had come to be alone, I was not alone. My eyes caught the red Sanctuary Lamp, and I began to weep at the immediate recognition that HE was very present. The Lord was there, waiting for me. Cathartic tears of relief and regret and the end of homesickness flowed. Because I was Home.
It was a turning point in my spiritual life; I would never again drift away from the pillars of daily prayer and weekly Mass. This daily contact with the One Who waits for us, holds us in his Heart, feeds us with his Body and Blood, and guides us on our way, has become my sustenance and support, my comfort and my strength, through every chapter of my life.
It was this commitment to the Eucharist that carried me into marriage, through years of illness and infertility, and to eventually overcome all odds to bring seven children into the world. And it was this same commitment to prayer and the Eucharist that we worked to instill in those children. Our family life revolved around our parish and our prayer routine at home.
After the birth of my seventh child took me to the threshold of death, many weeks of recovery again kept me from Mass. I struggled to take care of all of my children, despite the help I received from others. In the fatigue and emotional confusion of my experience, I felt unmoored and unsettled. My prayer was filled with questions and longing and weariness. I again felt hungry and homesick for the Eucharist. The weekend I decided I would go to Mass with the family, others insisted it was too much for me, that I should wait until I was stronger, that my recovery would suffer a setback. But I was equally insistent that I needed to go. With great effort, I climbed the stairs and entered the church. And again, I immediately felt the certainty of the Lord’s presence, and my homesickness was gone. I was Home. And more deeply connected than ever to the Eucharistic Heart of Christ, and to helping instill this connection in our children.
In the Eucharist and in daily prayer, our family has found the certitude to walk through many difficulties with courage and trust in the One Who holds all things in the palm of his Hand, and the beautiful fruit can be seen in the lives of our children. Two of our sons went to seminary, three have gone on missions overseas. We now have one ordained priest, six blessed marriages, thirteen grandchildren, and the expectation of many more! It was our Faith that carried us through the sudden deaths of my father, our 17-year-old niece in a car accident, and our 2-year-old granddaughter, with hope and peace and mutual loving support. It was our Faith that carried us through serious illnesses, injustices against our family, and financial difficulties. It is our Faith that others see radiating outward when they note the joy and peace and fruitfulness of our family through difficult situations.
And it is our Faith that will ultimately carry us Home, straight to his Heart, in which we have placed all our trust.
Kathryn is a mother to seven, grandmother to thirteen, and President of the local Discalced Carmelite Community. She has published several books and worked as a teacher, headmistress, catechist, Pastoral Associate, and DRE, and as a writer and voice talent for Catholic Radio. Currently, she serves the Church as a writer and presenter, and by collaborating with parishes and ministries to lead others to encounter Christ and engage their faith. Her website is www.KathrynTherese.com
