Praying Your Feelings: A Guide to Honest Conversation with God

“How do I pray?”

We could offer many answers: visit the Real Presence, recite memorized prayers; read Scripture. All of those are great suggestions! Unfortunately, “prayer” can often feel like a vague concept. Our thoughts can be overwhelming. Our feelings can be messy. We rarely have much time to process what we’ve been going through, or even an hour to sit in church. A cloistered religious sister might, but what about a stay-at-home mom of five? A CEO? An airline pilot? No matter who we are or what we’re called to do, we need prayer – even more than oxygen! So how do we pray?

Hidden among the great saints who wrote about prayer is a lesser-known gem, Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection. Born Nicholas Herman in 1614 France, he became a Carmelite lay brother whose wisdom is compiled in The Practice of the Presence of God, a spiritual classic. Soldier, war captive, even footman to the French king’s treasurer – he led an exciting life! But most importantly, from childhood, he had a great love of God that transformed his daily habits, as others quickly noticed. After he became a Carmelite, many laypeople sought him out to ask how he found God in everyday tasks. His words and example showed that anyone can remain in the constant presence of God, no matter what daily life looks like.

Brother Lawrence calls prayer “a familiar conversation with God” that can happen anywhere. With God’s grace and some perseverance, we can turn our hearts into “little oratories” where God can constantly reside in us. To do this, Brother Lawrence offered simple, practical advice, much of which was intended specifically for the laypeople he was helping. That means his advice applies to everyone, including us in the twenty-first century! From his writings, we can identify a few foundational principles of prayer.

1. Silence. This is a tough one. How often are we truly silent? No music, no background noise, no distractions. Not often. But even five or ten minutes of silence is better than nothing. Pick a time of day with the fewest interruptions. Maybe that means getting out of bed a few minutes earlier or postponing your evening TV show. Put the screens away, turn off the music, and head to another room. Our lives won’t be silent all the time, but external silence helps us build the habit of internal silence, which stays in our “oratory” even amid daily chaos.
2. Communication. What are you feeling? Angry? Sad? Stressed? Are you fighting a temptation? Excited? Grateful? Tell God! Our loved ones can’t always talk, but God is always here. Saying, “God, I’m feeling XYZ” might feel strange at first, but don’t let discomfort stop you – just keep building up the habit of internal conversation. Remember, God isn’t limited to a time or place. We can tell him anything, anywhere, anytime. Take advantage of that!
3. Love. At the end of the day, prayer isn’t about a to-do list or a self-help ritual. It’s a relationship – a relationship with a God who loves us more than anything. And hopefully, we want to love him more and more in return. Brother Lawrence often said that loving God isn’t so much about our daily tasks as about who we’re doing them for. Everything we do, big or small, mighty or menial, joyful or tedious, can be offered to God out of love for him. As long as we’re offering it to him, anything we do can bring us into his presence!

The practice of the presence of God isn’t limited to a seventeenth-century French monastery. It’s a universal call, a relationship that God wants us to have with him every single day. That means prayer is accessible to all of us. The external circumstances of our prayer life might look different for different people, but the common denominators are always going to be silence, communication, and love. By consistently practicing these three principles, step by step, day by day, we can turn our hearts into “little oratories” where we’ll find God no matter where we go or what we do.

Catherine McCaughey is a devout Catholic, an independent author of YA fantasy/adventure, and the founder and editor at Wordcraft Editorial, where she works to promote good fiction and nonfiction literature that will inspire and challenge readers everywhere.

Photo by Padli Pradana