I have never been a fan of feet. Not even my own. I always wore tennis shoes, even though I grew up in Arizona where it would have made much more sense to wear sandals. Today on Holy Thursday, though, when we remember Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, my mind is immediately taken back to the year I took care of my dad at the end of his battle with brain cancer. He had developed a large wound on his foot, which required a wound vac for several months. We had to take very tedious care of his foot so the wound would not get infected. During those months, I never struggled with washing and taking care of my dad’s foot because I so earnestly wanted to aid in his healing process. Something that had previously made me very uncomfortable became very easy because I loved my dad.
Holy Thursday invites us to reflect on Jesus’ invitation, “If I, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another’s feet” (Jn 13:14). I usually spend time reflecting on this passage in light of whom Jesus is calling me to serve. But I think what Jesus is calling me to see this year is that I must first allow Jesus to wash my feet before I can wash someone else’s—something I do not always remember.
When I meditate on this Gospel passage and place myself in the upper room, I quickly identify with Peter’s reaction when Jesus approaches him. Peter very clearly puts his foot in his mouth when he tells Jesus, “You will never wash my feet” (Jn 13:8). How often do we share Peter’s sentiments when we are too proud to ask for help or to admit that we need healing—“I can do it by myself,” “I’ll figure things out,” “No one will understand,” “What would people think if they really knew?”
To allow someone to wash our feet makes us vulnerable. When we allow others to perform this service for us, they see a part of ourselves that we usually keep covered because it is not as beautiful as we would like it to be. Our willingness, or lack thereof, to allow someone to tenderly wash our feet might just be a manifestation of how willing we are to allow them to tenderly gaze into our heart.
How vulnerable are you willing to be with others? Are there parts of your heart that you hide from people? What would it be like if you invited Jesus to be with you in those memories or areas of your life that you hide from others out of fear or shame?
As I think about my dad and how humble he was throughout his whole sickness, I am reminded that there are times when I need someone to wash my “feet.” My dad had always been a big, strong man, but when he could no longer do anything for himself, he humbly surrendered to that reality. I am very capable of physically taking care of myself, but there are times when Jesus is inviting me to place what is ugly, hurt, broken, or rejected into his loving hands so he can purify it.
Is there a way in which Jesus is calling you to humble yourself this Holy Thursday and allow him to kneel at your feet, to wash away whatever is preventing you from receiving a fresh outpouring of his love? When you vulnerably place yourself in Christ’s loving hands and allow him to wash you through and through, you will be ready to take the next step towards offering that kindness to someone else.
Sr. Sydney Moss is a Daughter of Mary Help of Christians and currently serves as the Vocation Director of the Sisters’ Western USA Province and also coordinates their lay missionary program, VIDES+USA. Sr. Sydney has a passion for accompanying young people on their journey of holiness and is always up for playing any sport!
